Before I delve right into this book review there are a few thoughts I would like to share with you.
About a year ago, I was seated in front of the mirror applying some mascara when one of my daughters asked me why I needed "that black stuff". Without thinking, I answered that it would make my lashes look darker and thicker and that in turn would make me look nicer. She looked puzzled and remarked that I already looked nice just the way I was so maybe I didn't need it. It was an innocent remark but one that made me stop and think how even ordinary actions can influence the perception of a little girl. It impressed upon me the importance of putting substantial thought into answering these kind of questions.
When I was young girl, I was expected to be nice, polite and compliant so I was (most of the time at least). But as I started growing older, I gradually realised that it isn't healthy to suppress your true feelings and put on a show of niceness all the time. Why is it that girls are expected to take on the burden of other people's feelings? Healthy self-worth involves cultivating a level of self-acceptance that validates a full range of desires and feelings. Sometimes you need to say NO even if it ends up disappointing someone. Sometimes you need to stand your ground even if it comes at a cost. Sometimes you need to make your opinion known even if it makes you unpopular. Sometimes you need to call people out for their actions even if it makes people uncomfortable. Sometimes you need to put yourself first even if it perceived to be selfish.
You know, as a mom of two daughters, I think about the term "empowerment" a lot. It is about giving an individual the tools to do good for them, themselves. I try to think of ways to bolster my girls self-esteem, to make them stand up for themselves and to make them realise that they have a powerful voice. Did I mention, my daughters are only five years old? But as I understand, the earlier you get a start on this, the better. Teaching our daughters that they belong in a world that constantly sends them mixed signals can be challenging, so empowering them is key.
I want my daughters to know that their beauty is not about what's on the outside. Confidence, happiness, kindness, optimism, compassion, gratefulness - these traits radiate beauty from within in the most understated ways. I'm more conscious of the way I compliment my daughters now. I don't want their sense of self-worth that’s dependent upon their appearance. Rather than a customary - "you look so pretty", I remember to say things like (and mean them) - "that was so clever", "you are so strong", "you made that? It's so creative" or "that was so sweet and thoughtful of you".
While on the subject of beauty, it is my responsibility as a parent to instil positive body image in young impressionable minds. To convey this important concept, I found that I had to change my own perceptions and work on myself. I understood the need to walk the talk. Although vanity is not one of my traits nor do I ever judge a person based on outward appearance alone, I realised that I never wholeheartedly embraced my own body. In my crusade to lose weight or correct my "flaws", I subconsciously may have made derogatory remarks about my body or weight in front of my daughters. Added to that, my daughters have always weighed considerably lesser than their peers and I guiltily recall having made comments (until quite recently) that they need to "eat more" or "gain weight" to look better. Since I've been increasingly aware of this, I have vowed to NEVER do it again.
Little girls can be quite chatty and I'm amazed at the questions and inputs I get from my five-year olds about a variety of engaging subjects ranging from science, healthy eating, fitness, global warming, friendship, body image, bullying and such. I want them to understand that their thoughts and opinions really do matter.
Instilling social confidence and encouraging friendships in girls is important for their self-esteem but being blessed with incredibly social and cheerful children, that is one area where I've practically had to do nothing at all.
The area which I personally struggle with the most is to let them be more independent and respect their choices (within reason) when they do not necessarily align with mine. This would mean suppressing my inherent protective instinct and my need to control every situation which (for me) is quite difficult. But I'm taking it one day at a time and learning little by little to let go and give them the freedom to do what they want, let them fail and help them get back up. I need to be able to tell them - "yes you can be my princesses but you don't need rescuing. Go slay your own dragons".
There is so much, we, the parents of daughters can do in addition to the above - choosing toys and books wisely, praising efforts rather than performance and instilling financial skills early on. These are little things that if practiced from a young age will embolden ours daughters and give them the confidence to counter dysfunctional cultural norms.
Something else I want to do is to expose them to positive female role models. I want my daughters to gain some insight into the struggles of women from different ethnicities, cultures, social standing and backgrounds who overcame incredible odds to make a positive impact in the world. I bought
Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls as I was thinking about this, just before my girls turned five. Since then, we have read and re-read it multiple times.
Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls is a series of two children's books, aimed at ages six and up. Both were funded through the crowdfunding website Kickstarter, and broke site records for fundraising for literature publication.
This gorgeous book is a compilation of mini biographies alongside striking full-page portraits in a variety of styles by female artists of 100 extraordinary women from 1500 BC to today. The audacity of their adventures, the width of their genius, the weight of their choices - they were constantly belittled, forgotten and in some cases, almost erased from history.
The book features the stories of women from an array of fields, including science, medicine, literature, the arts, sports, politics, fashion, music, the military, and more from countries across the globe. From activists and lawyers to pirates and inventors, Elena Favilli and Francesca Cavallo present young readers with a lifetime’s supply of brilliant female role models.
Reading this book is a welcome alternative to the stereotypical portrayal of girls and women in fiction (such as some of the classic Disney Princesses), or books about heroes which primarily focus on male protagonists. It focuses on telling young girls that they can grow up to be whatever they wish, regardless of what other people think. While on the subject of Disney Princesses, I'm secretly happy that of the lot, my daughters gravitate more towards the stories of inspiring characters like Moana, Raya and Merida.
I was ashamed to admit that I was aware of only about 40% of the women in this book. Reading it certainly helped me improve my knowledge whilst providing inspiration, entertainment and an opportunity to bond with my girls at the same time.
