This is an honest, unfiltered and deeply personal account on moving back to my home country India after almost two decades of living abroad. This post has come about about after much reflection. I admit to feeling uncertain about sharing my sentiments on such a public platform, where anything I express can be subjected to scrutiny and judgment. But blogging has been an essential part of my life way before I even became a mother, and I have revealed so much about my journey on this platform so far. It felt insincere to gloss over such a significant life event.
For those unfamiliar with my background, to provide additional context, it is worth mentioning that I have had a global exposure from a very early age.
Born in Oldham, a town in Greater Manchester, I spent my early childhood in Sutton and Wolverhampton in England. When my cardiologist father was offered a job in the Middle East, our family moved to Saudi Arabia for a few years followed by Bahrain where I attended a British International school with children from different nationalities and backgrounds. After the Gulf War broke out, we moved back to England where I attended school briefly.
My parents made the decision to permanently relocate to India when I was an eight year old with pigtails and missing teeth. They built their forever home in my beloved hometown of Mysuru in the state of Karnataka and reside there to this day.
Even after moving to India, my siblings and I had several opportunities to travel not only within the country but also overseas during school holidays courtesy of our wanderlust parents.
After my graduation and marriage in India, I pursued my higher education in Singapore, and worked there for more than a decade. During my time in the sunny island nation, I crossed paths with people from diverse cultures and walks of life, gaining invaluable life lessons along the way. As a young married couple, Singapore also served as an excellent base for us to travel which further ignited a spirit of adventure and fuelled personal growth.
Here's the thing - I feel like if given an opportunity to live abroad, even briefly, one ought to take it. Living abroad can bestow a more well-rounded perception of the world, can certainly improve one's career prospects, provide a higher quality of life and contribute to financial gain. However, in my opinion, these are not the sole reasons, nor the most significant.
Growing up in India as a preteen, teen and young adult, I never realized it then, but years later observed that many Indian children from an upper-middle-class to affluent backgrounds tend to be rather entitled. This entitlement often stems from their parents taking charge of most aspects of their lives, along with the option to outsource many tasks to ease daily living. And Indian parents don't just stop with their children; most of them continue the trend of selfless devotion towards their grandchildren as well. As convenient as that may be, living in such an environment lifelong can create a cycle of dependency, hindering the discovery of one's true capabilities.
On the other hand, residing abroad entails stepping out of one's comfort zone and out of the protective shadow of the familiar support system. This experience compels individuals to cultivate qualities of patience, independence, self-discovery, problem-solving, responsibility and flexibility. It teaches valuable life skills, builds character and bestows a profound lesson in not taking anything in life for granted. Having lived abroad for many years, my husband and I have become adept at managing our household, have become well-versed in all types of cleaning, cooking, repair, DIY projects, running a household, caring for our children, handling our careers and finances, managing our social life and pursuing our hobbies—all without an entourage of hired help. I don't know about anyone else but to me, self-reliance is priceless. Looking back, if given the chance for a do-over, I wouldn't change a thing 😊
Now, coming to the purpose of this post - after 17 years of living in Singapore, when I revealed our plans of moving back to India to family, friends and co-workers, I was met with a variety of responses, and frankly, most of them were not positive. Even though I didn't owe anyone an explanation, I didn't have a single clear-cut answer to the question of why we wanted to move back. It was a complex sentiment to articulate and so I decided that I would answer that question through my blog and when the timing was appropriate.
Immediately after our relocation, I fielded numerous enquiries, not only by friends and family but also strangers on social media about how I was feeling about the move. I realized that there were a lot of Indians who were in the same boat as we had been, contemplating a move back but were unsure of what to expect and hence, naturally curious. At the time, I thought it was a premature question because we were still settling into our new life and with so many things demanding our attention, I wasn't in the headspace to dissect my feelings.
A year prior to the move, we had embarked on an extensive renovation of the first and second floors of my in-laws' 35-year old house, a project far from completion when we arrived in India. Our foremost priority was to finish and furnish the new extension according to our vision. We also had to patiently wait several weeks to receive our Singapore cargo and the unpacking process turned out to be quite time-consuming and labor-intensive. Ensuring a smooth transition for our twin daughters into their new school and planning my husband's transfer to his company's office in India were also top priorities. Then there were the unavoidable formalities that most returning Indians are familiar with - bank-related tasks, insurance, setting up bill payments, updating contact details, children's Aadhaar cards among others. We were simultaneously getting the remaining undertakings done for our house such as security system installation, home automation and landscaping. Once those were sorted, I had to face the daunting challenge of overcoming one of my greatest fears – driving in Bengaluru! Obtaining my driver's license became a necessary step in addressing this fear. And despite my decision to temporarily step back from my career, I still needed to explore potential options which has kept me on my toes for the past few months. With all this going on, reflecting on the various aspects of my life post-relocation would require time and effort. Now, more than a year into our life in India, I am ready to share my thoughts on the journey so far.
Right off the bat, let me tell you that I am not uninformed or delusional. Yes, I am highly aware of the problems that still plague India. The population density, the pollution, the corruption, bureaucracy, nepotism, reservation, the economic inequality, the traffic, issues of women's safety, the poor sanitation, the appalling lack of civic sense among others. There is absolutely no denying that these are crucial factors when one considers the quality of life in a country. But let me also tell you that India was my home through the ages of eight to twenty-four and I genuinely love my country, even with its myriad issues. I never wanted to 'escape' from India nor did I align with the kind of NRIs (Non Resident Indians, for the uninitiated) who perpetuate the conviction of living their best life while dissing their motherland at every given opportunity. I recognize my relative privilege and acknowledge that I had a wonderful childhood in India where I lived a life of comfort, was provided with a good education and raised with upstanding values imbibed from my culture and faith. The friendships I forged in India are the ones that have withstood the test of time. Along with my upbringing, my country has shaped my identity and contributed to who I am today. Possessing fierce loyalty as a personality trait, I am not inclined to disregard this reality of my life.
Also, it is of significance to note that India is a rapidly growing , diverse economy and a country that has age on its side (more than 65% of the population is below the age of 35). India has been transforming and these changes are not only visible and palpable but impactful as well. Anyone who cannot see that or tells you any different is either willfully ignorant or blind. I can personally attest to the fact that the India of 2024 is very different from the India of 2004.
Please understand that this post isn't meant to throw shade on anyone's life choices or ignite any debates. There is no right or wrong path in life (unless you are involved in something illegal 😛). Each individual has different aspirations and perspectives; every family has different priorities and motivations. What works for one, may not work for the other. You can choose to disagree with everything I have said in this post and I promise I will respect that. Let's just agree on one thing - to each live our lives the way we see fit. Or as Gen Z would succinctly put it, "you do you" 😄
These are some of the reasons why we left Singapore (SG for short) and moved to India,
1. Family
I can visit my family ANY TIME my heart desires. When living in SG, I would get to see my parents and in-laws, a maximum of twice a year; siblings and cousins, only once a year. I would see some of my extended family who lived in the US and UK probably once every 5 -10 years.
Since relocating to India a year ago, the dynamics have dramatically changed. From a nuclear family unit of four, we are now living with my in-laws as a joint family of six. I wasn’t sure how seamless that transition would be but surprisingly, it has been one of the easiest parts of the move.
I also have the satisfaction of seeing my parents and siblings almost every month and relatives, a few times each month. I have already met cousins, aunts and uncles who I hadn't seen in years and I'm sure will continue to do so annually when they fly to India during the holidays. I eagerly anticipate the various permutations and combinations of family reunions that unfold during festivals and social events.
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| Meeting my parents often |
I understand that having close, loving and supportive family can be considered a blessing that not everyone is bestowed with but in this regard, my husband and I have been incredibly fortunate. Both of us are deeply attached to our families so being closer to them was the number one priority for us to move back to our homeland.
I've realized that living abroad, despite the good life, I could never quite escape one niggling emotion which was guilt. Guilt at depriving our children of the love and warmth of family and vice versa, keeping them from a broader scope of social interactions as well as sense of community and guilt at not being around to help our parents in their old age. It finally feels so good to be rid of that feeling! We have our ecosystem now and metaphorically speaking, it feels like the missing piece in the puzzle has been restored.
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| A family trip to Wayanad, Kerala during Christmas & New Year break 2023-2024 |
It is needless to say but we human beings are social animals. Our brains are hard-wired for attachment, connection and relationships. Familial relationships and bonds are profoundly ingrained in Indian culture and form the backbone of our social fabric. Every member of the family is considered an important part of one’s life. Childhood memories are often shaped by these relationships, and they remain permanently etched in the psyche. Due to this reason, it isn't uncommon to see Indian expats living abroad lonely despite having a large social circle and their parents back home lonely despite having children. We figured that when we are old and wrinkly, we’ll be less likely to regret why we didn’t make more money, acquire assets or x, y, z material possessions compared to spending more time with our ageing parents, our siblings and maintaining closer ties with people who have been an integral part of the different stages of our life.
2. Purpose
Outside of India, you generally live as individual entities with friends who come and go. This is especially true in a tiny country like SG which is utilized by most expats as a transient platform to the western world. During my time in SG, I have lost count of how many farewells I have hosted for friends who left the country for 'greener pastures'.
As an expat in SG, my identity and purpose seemed intricately tied to career accomplishments and economic success which started to feel superficial and inauthentic. I didn't want to feel like my net worth is a measure of my worth. Over the years, the realization dawned on me that I had become little more than a tolerated taxpayer. I found myself steering away from the individualistic 'every man for himself' type of thinking and detesting the "kiasu" mentality that is so prevalent in SG. I also wanted to distance myself from the proverbial rat race.
The yearning grew to return to my roots, embrace my culture and find more meaning to life. I aspired to adopt a conscious and more soulful way of living, where the significance of people, relationships and experiences surpassed that of a glossy lifestyle and extravagant material possessions.
There are so many lifestyle practices that I wanted to adopt which I wasn't able to before due to lack of space, time or other inexplicable constraints. Some examples include gardening, composting, making bio enzyme cleaners, rain water harvesting, harnessing solar energy for domestic energy needs, practising yoga and meditation, mastering cooking of regional Indian specialities, learning ancient culinary traditions, learning specific Indian art forms, enrolling in tailoring classes, getting involved with social causes among many others. For me, living in India makes all these things much easier to put into practice.
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| Composting of vegetable waste |
Another positive aspect about the lifestyle in India is the conviction that anything worth owning is something worth fixing. This mentality extends to cell phones, computers, all household appliances, vehicles, furniture, clothes, shoes, bags and pretty much anything else that is capable of failing. While the Japanese have Kintsugi; we have our desi Jugaad 😆 I have lost count of how many things I have gotten repaired/restored since moving. Disposing practical items, especially those of some value, is usually the last resort because, even if something is beyond repair, you can often find someone to donate it to who will come up with an ingenious way to make it work for them. Also, since we compost 90% of our kitchen waste, repurpose several items and recycle most of our paper and packaging, we generate comparatively much less waste on a daily basis.
The lifestyle in India is a unique blend of tradition and modernity, where people still value age-old customs and beliefs, follow simple living practices while still embracing the latest trends and technologies. It is a place where the pace of life is slower, but the experiences are richer and more fulfilling.
3. Space
This aspect is quite straightforward. The decision to move was also influenced by our desire for more living space. People living in western countries probably will not relate to this as much but if you know anything about SG, you may be aware that space on the island is scarce and the city has no choice but to grow vertically.
Two years after the twins were born in SG, I decided to go back to work full-time so we hired a live-in domestic helper from the Philippines to primarily help us with childcare. Our cozy 3-BHK condo, which we had purchased when we were still just a couple and which had served us well until then, started to feel congested especially when we had guests staying with us (which was quite often!). Even though we appreciated the security, convenience and amenities that came with apartment living, the longing for more space persisted. Although the option to move to a larger space existed, the exorbitant real estate prices in SG simply didn't justify the investment. And both of us were on the same page when it came to the prospect of moving to a Western country to raise our girls; it was a definite no.
In India, we now reside in a spacious three-storey independent house equipped with five bedrooms, a driveway, garage, garden, backyard, balcony and terrace. Having entrusted a known architectural team to customise every inch of the space, use high-quality materials and execute skilled craftsmanship, we are pleased with the outcome. The presence of two kitchens has proven to be quite practical and a combined store room and pantry offers valuable extra storage. The possibility of setting up a small home gym seems realistic and having a dedicated laundry room has satisfied a long-awaited wish of mine. With ample space at our disposal, even something simple as air drying laundry on the clothes line under direct sunlight seems like a privilege now (I much prefer it to using the clothes dryer).
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| Home Sweet Home |
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| Homegrown organic produce |
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| Blooms from our garden |
It feels wonderful to finally have a green space that we can call our own. I now spend my free time on weekends pottering about in the garden, filling bird feeders and water baths, sowing seeds and cuttings, watering and pruning plants, sifting through compost and getting mud in my fingernails. Our garden is still very much a work in progress but I know that it will get to where we envision it to be some day. One of my life's many ambitions is to transform my black thumbs to green so wish me luck with that 😀
All these years I hadn't paid much attention to how many birds visit our garden but in the past year, I have developed the curiosity and interest to identify most of them - red whiskered bulbuls, tailorbirds, sunbirds, cinnyris, white-cheeked barbets, oriental magpie-robins, parakeets, Asian koels, paradise flycatcher and black kites are some species I have consistently spotted from my bedroom bay window and terrace.
I can vouch for the fact that being gently awakened by a symphony of natural bird sounds beats being startled by the grating sound of an alarm clock any day 😊
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| Birds of our backyard |
Squirrels, butterflies, bees and stray cats are also frequent visitors to our backyard, the latter of which thrills our animal-loving daughters to no end.
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| Furry visitors to our backyard |
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| My new food photography & OOTD spot! |
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| Our little oasis of tranquility |
Furthermore, we now have the space to welcome a pet into our home, fulfilling another long-standing desire.
There are four seasons in Singapore: Hot, Hotter, Wet, & Wetter (I kid you not!).
After spending close to two decades in SG, grappling with the unrelenting heat, humidity, and perpetual rain throughout the year had driven me to the brink. To say that I was utterly fed up would be an understatement. When indoors in the cool comfort of the AC, it wouldn't matter, but stepping outside for anything would invariably result in profuse sweating, discomfort and probably some swearing 😝 The concept of having a 'good hair day' seemed like a distant dream 😂 And did I mention, laundry takes ages to dry? Also let me tell you, cotton tees, shorts and flip flops all year round gets boring real soon.
In stark contrast, Bengaluru enjoys pleasant weather every day of the year, offering distinct seasons without extremes of weather. I never quite thought of Bengaluru as the 'garden city' it is hailed as but the lovely pink-hued spring blossoms managed to sway my mind a tiny bit. Summers can be quite hot but it isn't close to anything that I've been accustomed to. The monsoons bring out the lush greenery of our neighbourhood which is a joy to behold. I can bring out my full-sleeved tops, cute cardigans and jackets during the chilly winter months.
With the exception of floods (that can occur during severe rains in the monsoon season), there is little to no threat of other natural disasters like forest fires, powerful earthquakes, hurricanes or tsunamis.
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| Bengaluru in spring |
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| Monsoon magic |
I've also come to appreciate seasonal fruits and vegetables more than ever before, embracing a newfound commitment to consuming local and seasonal produce.
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| Guava from our tree |
And while on the subject of seasonal produce, we have come to the end of mango season in India. I can't put into words how eagerly our twins wait for it every year. The arrival of mind-boggling varieties of our national fruit evokes emotions you simply can't experience anywhere else in the world.
After going on a tasting spree for two full glorious seasons, my daughters have proclaimed Imam Pasand as their favourite Indian variety of mango followed by Malgova and then Totapuri 😄
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| Mango mania |
5. Boredom
Monotony had crept into our lives in SG. Each day would start and end the same, seeing new faces would be a rarity and even our list of places to explore over the weekends started to get exhausted. As a small country, SG offers limited places to explore and activities to engage in. While I wholeheartedly acknowledge and admire that the island nation continually reinvents itself, and neighbouring countries beckon for travel, after almost two decades, we felt we were done.
In India, each day is different and most of the time eventful. You have guests visiting, unexpected plans hatching or unique challenges brewing.
Also, India, with its vast expanse, presented itself as as exciting contrast to SG. Our bucket list of destinations within the country has been expanding steadily. India is perhaps one of the few countries in the world which boasts of beaches, rainforests, rolling hills, river plains, valleys, alpine lakes, hill stations, waterfalls, sandy desert, tropical islands and snow-capped mountains all within her borders. India is also home to abundant diverse wildlife and provides a destination for a vibrant culture trip unlike anywhere else. Given the sheer size of the country, going on road trips is finally something we can do as a family. The prospect of exploring domestic travel in the next chapter of our lives is something I am looking forward to.
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| A trip to Mangalore during Dasara holidays 2023 |
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| A family trip to Wayanad, Kerala during Christmas & New Year break 2023-2024 |
As an extra bonus, residing in India now allows us the flexibility to utilize holidays for traveling to various destinations, either within or outside the country. This is a departure from SG, where my husband and I would allocate our entire 4-5 weeks of precious annual leave solely for the trip back home because we didn't see much point in travelling to India for shorter durations 😁
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| Family trip to Japan during cherry blossom in the spring of 2024 |
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| Nostalgia trip to Singapore during the summer of 2024 |
6. Spontaneity
Everything tends to be over-structured in the developed world. Meeting friends or scheduling play dates can often feel as planned as a corporate meeting. People often need to check their calendars because there is so much to deal with and too much to remember. Visiting someone at their home requires prior coordination and consent. You lose the charm of a chance meeting, spur-of-the-moment catch-up or unexpected visit which in India, even today is quite common.
I remember how extensively I would plan for weekends, festivals and school holidays in SG. Subconsciously, I would map out what activities to engage in, whom to meet, what meals to prepare, and how to keep the children occupied. Planning is an inherent part of my nature, giving me a reassuring sense of control.
In India, things effortlessly fall into place without much involvement on my part. Most of the time, I'm not even aware of what's happening until the last minute, and strangely, it doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. My brain seems to have automatically adapted to how things used to be when I lived here and has relinquished a lot of that impulsive urge to control 😆
My parents and siblings frequently visit Bengaluru for various reasons, and they drop by more often than not. A significant portion of my extended family, both on my paternal and maternal sides, resides in the city so meetups with them is frequent. My in-laws already had a well-established social network that is seamlessly intertwining with ours. My husband has friends from different stages of his life, and coincidentally, many of them reside in close proximity to us. I have a few close friends living here, and several others living in other states visit during festive celebrations or holidays. I have had the opportunity to meet my college friends when they travel to the city for social visits or work. My children have forged numerous friendships, and I've developed amicable relationships with several other moms with whom I have far more in common with compared to my experience in SG. Weekends, festivals, and holidays tend to be eventful without me even making a conscious effort!
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| A trip to Udupi during Dasara 2023 |
7. Childhood
The parts of my childhood that are vivid in my recollections trace back to India and I have only happy memories from that time. I did not want my children growing up isolated from their kin as I sincerely believe that it does take a village to raise a child. I can already see how much of real-life experiences and lessons my daughters have picked up on from their sustained exposure to family in India since the move. I also wanted my daughters to be raised with the culture and values that we were brought up with. As an extension of that, I wanted them to develop a strong sense of identity and wholeheartedly embrace their 'Indianness' so that they will never grow up to look down on where they come from.
I have always desired an old-fashioned childhood for my children - one which involved being surrounded by a large family, growing up with cousins, playing with toys, outdoor activities like running, climbing trees, digging for bugs and cycling, unstructured play with friends, lots of reading, board games, arts, crafts and most importantly, the freedom to experience boredom, allowing them to develop innovative ways to occupy themselves. One of my greatest parenting pet peeves are impressionable minds being overexposed to electronic gadgets. In that regard I'll say, so far so good ✌
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| A trip with cousins to Coorg in July 2023 |
But as the twins started getting older, our outdoor excursions in SG dwindled as they started getting bombarded with homework and were engaged in activity classes. Also, the gang of spirited kids in our condo sometimes turned into an intrusion as kids started showing up on our doorstep at the most inconvenient of times and without any regard for our personal space or commitments. Frankly speaking, apartment living had begun to lose its charm for me by then.
In India, the dynamics of my children's play has evolved. They have ample indoor space to play with their toys. When not indoors, they can be found riding their scooters in the driveway, running around in the garden, playing with cats, playing badminton, hula hooping and trampoline jumping. I've realized long ago that for them to have each other is one of the greatest blessings in their lives as well as ours.
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| A routine evening activity |
After much searching and careful deliberation, we selected a school that offered a balanced mix of academics, co-curricular, and extracurricular activities. The girls participate in swimming, horse riding, badminton, yoga, art, music and have dedicated time for exercise and unstructured play at school.
Our daughters have been attending Indian classical dance classes over the weekend which they are thoroughly enjoying so far (fingers crossed!). I love how the rigorous physical training improves flexibility and coordination, builds focus and concentration but is also steeped in our cultural heritage. In their spare time, they attend online drawing classes. They play board games & carom with each other, chess with their Daddy and card games with their grandmother in the evenings. They have been reading Hindu mythological stories from Ramayana and Mahabharata that I loved as a child. They hang out with their friends at their place or ours and occasionally enjoy indoor play areas during birthday celebrations. Long weekends and school holidays provide opportunities to travel and meet cousins and second cousins whom they adore. They recently had an eventful and memorable summer holiday. At nearly 10-years old, they are still full of energy, playful and always manage to find something interesting to keep themselves occupied.
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| Cousin crew at Mysuru during Dasara 2023 |
Moreover, I'm anticipating that multigenerational living and growing up with a pet (hopefully joining us in the future) will infuse additional layers of joy, warmth and empathy into our children's lives and will enrich the memories they will go on to have of their childhood.
8. Schooling
I wasn't keen on my daughters growing up in a protected bubble. The real world is a tough place rife with uncertainty and adversity. For their own good, they need to be equipped with life skills that will enable them to not just survive but thrive. Being street smart, bold, resourceful, adaptable, resilient as well as being prepared to face competition, handle failure, deal with different kinds of individuals, places and situations are just a few traits that I'm hoping they will acquire in India, just as we did.
This might come across as polarizing but local schooling in SG felt restrictive to me in terms of embracing individuality and fostering out-of-the-box thinking in children. Everything seemed very cookie-cutter with enormous pressure to conform. Those living in SG will be aware that the intense academic pressure in local schools is notorious. After school, children are busy with homework and/or multiple tuitions/enrichment classes which leaves them little time for anything else. I had already begun to see glimpses of it with my kids from the tender age of six and I knew it wasn't what I wanted for them going forward.
While similar challenges can exist in the Indian education system, India offers a diverse choice of schools with the flexibility of choosing the curriculum and teaching methodology. Early education options include Montessori, Waldorf and Reggio Emilia methods (all non-existent during my schooling years). Mainstream private schools offer a range of curricula including State-board, CBSE, ICSE, IB and IGCSE. There are several unconventional schools (aka alternate schools) in our city that adopt free learning or a combination of child-centred and holistic blended teaching methodologies. Homeschooling has also been gaining popularity in recent years. The point here being, no matter what you are looking for your child, you will (most likely) find it.
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| A gaggle of geese at our twins school |
Drawing on my own experience of schooling in India, even though I attended a regular no-frills state-board syllabus school, I felt it afforded a much more creative and dynamic environment with emphasis not only on academics but sports, art, music, culture and drama as well. I remember from a very young age participating and winning prizes in countless dance performances, concerts, inter-school dramas, quizzes, essays, debates, creative writing and other competitions and I honestly didn’t see the same opportunities offered to my children.
A question that often perplexes me is - "why would you opt for schooling for your children in India when it is so much better abroad?" Firstly, who gets to define the term "better"? That is completely subjective in my opinion. Secondly, if you are an NRI speaking fluent English, in a cushy job, drawing a good salary and living comfortably abroad after completing your schooling from India, how disadvantaged do you really think you are? As I outlined earlier, the Indian education system has come a long way since our generation. I perceive it now to be more analytical, interactive and collaborative with lesser emphasis on rote learning compared to how I remember it. It still does have its fair share of flaws but unless you are updated, don't let preconceived notions cloud your judgement on the matter.
From what I have observed so far, my daughters are so much more at ease in school in India. Everyone around them, looks like them which makes 'fitting in' a cinch. Their brown skin never has to be a source of self-consciousness. The girls hear their mother tongue being spoken in school, on the bus and in their friends homes which makes the inspiration to learn come organically. I am so relieved that they are using textbooks and notebooks in school as opposed to the worksheet culture in SG which I used to find irksome and impractical, not to mention, somewhat parent-unfriendly. Over here, at the conclusion of each week, the teachers provide a comprehensive summary of the children's learning, thereby keeping parents informed of all the topics covered and highlighting areas where their child may require additional support. Homework is assigned, but it is kept within reasonable limits. I've noticed that in school, children are allowed to make mistakes and to express themselves freely. Field trips, fairs, event celebrations, picnics and end-of-term retreats are regular part of the schooling experience. Previously timid, our twins have been gently coaxed out of their shell and now willingly come forward to take part in performances & public speaking. They seem to be quite popular and have been doing well in class, winning spelling bees, getting medals in sports and receiving recognition for random acts of kindness. They frequently get invited to birthday parties and playdates so making new friends has not been a concern in the least. I'm quite certain that the friendships they nurture in India will accompany them well into adulthood.
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| School picnic to Picket Fence farm |
I barely knew the parents of any of their classmates in SG whereas here in India, I not only know by name but have personally met and struck a rapport with most of the parents of their classmates. We keep in touch and periodically share useful information on a grade-specific chat group. When there is a common concern, no matter how minor, we parents unite to raise the issue to the school which usually results in swift action. I can also liaise with their teachers directly which was not an option in SG. From a more stiffly formal, business-like schooling experience we we used to before, the more casual, flexible and personal touch has been a welcome change. The girls have been fortunate to have wonderful teachers and amicable classmates here in Bengaluru and I am ready to make a wager that they don’t miss their school in SG in the slightest.
An underrated school perk is that I can send curries, parathas or curd rice in my daughters lunch box without worrying about their classmates getting offended by the look or smell. Plus, given the lack of allergy threats in the school, we don’t have to worry about packing foods that contain nuts.
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| Lunchbox |
Safety in schools in India is taken quite seriously in this day and age as we observed during campus visits when we were scouting for schools for the girls. There are surveillance cameras everywhere, security at the gates, parental consent is sought for all activities, children are not allowed to go anywhere unsupervised and school buses are well-equipped with tracking systems. I was taken by surprise when despite being a parent, I wasn't allowed entry inside the school gate during school hours without verification and registering with security. Furthermore, I don't have to worry about my children facing racism or bullying. So, if you ask me if I have any concerns regarding my children's safety when they are in school, the answer is a truthful no.
9. Staying connected
In India we are able to expose our children not only to our native tongue and other local languages but the geography, history and culture of our homeland. Our children gain familiarity with the rich tapestry of our rivers, mountains, forests, wildlife, states, cities, languages, customs, festivals, attire and places of worship. As trivial as it may sound, even my children being familiar with Indian folklore, dance, music, sports, movies and art has always been important to me.
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| Indian elephant at Muthanga Wildlife Sanctuary |
In SG, the girls had a marked preference for western and south-east asian food over Indian food. This was disheartening to my husband and I, considering we would make it a point to cook a mouth-watering array of Indian dishes at home a few times a week.
However, now, they are getting increasingly familiar with the diversity of Indian cuisine, eating it on a daily basis and occasionally enjoying some of the same traditional dishes, savouries & sweets that my husband and I cherished during our childhood. They have figured out how to eat by hand without making a mess. Carrot dosa, kesuvina soppu dosa, dodna, pani puri, momos, mooli paratha, palak khichdi, chitranna, beans palya and basale soppina huli have become some post-relocation favourites of the girls. The flavours of ice pops they eat now include chilli guava, kala khatta, aam panna and nariyal pani and their knowledge of ice-cream flavours include all the desi variations of kulfi 😀They have been appreciating all kinds of pickles, chutneys and spice powders and I have noticed how their spice tolerance has significantly increased. They still love pizza, pasta, wraps, fries and sandwiches (like a lot of kids do) but at least now they seem closer to gaining a newfound appreciation of their native cuisine.
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| Bale yele oota at a function |
Staying connected is vital to me because I was worried about raising culturally disconnected children who knew nothing about India, made no effort speak their mother tongue, did not have ties to family, did not take pride in their culture and did not derive any inspiration from their roots.
10. Sense of belonging
India feels like home to me the way no other country does. Home is not just a physical structure, no matter how big or luxurious it is. The term 'home' signifies different things to different people. To me, home is where the people I love reside, where I feel the most secure and at ease, where friends and family are always welcome, where happy memories are plentiful, where I experience a sense of belonging and the place I yearn to get back to when I am away. One can create a 'home away from home' in a foreign land which feels familiar and comfortable but to some individuals, deep down, it may never feel like the real deal.
Residing overseas, I've encountered situations where I've been made to feel inferior due to my origins. Over the years, I have lost count the number of times I have had to bite my tongue when I've heard remarks from foreigners such as - "how is your English this good for someone who was educated in India?" or "how is it that you don't have a pronounced Indian accent?" or "Are you of mixed descent? I only ask because your skin color seems light for an Indian" or "how is it that you have had the life experiences that you have coming from a third world country?". If you have experienced some of the same, you will know that these so-called compliments laced with racism doesn't wound any less.
I had never experienced blatant, targeted racism in SG until the onset of the Covid-19 pandemic. It wasn't until India was grappling with the devastating impact of a severe second wave of infections that I personally experienced it for the first time and the experience is something I will unfortunately never be able to forget.
You may possess resident status or even citizenship of another country but may still be made to feel like a second class citizen. But once you go back to the place you call home as a natural born citizen with a common ethnicity, there is no threat of anyone insinuating or even telling you directly to “go back to your own country” under any situation.
Also, residing in your country of origin means there is no anxiety about immigration issues such as renewing visa or PR every so many years. The stability of your world doesn't hinge on the uncertainties of your career. Even if you lose your job, you can stay afloat until a better opportunity comes along. The city we live in now, Bengaluru (aka the Silicon Valley of India), is also known as the city for startups. There are opportunities waiting if one is brave and resourceful enough to explore them.
Furthermore, the sense of community in India is remarkably strong. We barely knew our neighbors in SG. Even coworkers we interacted with on a daily basis would maintain a certain air of aloofness. Most interactions with locals were fleeting or superficial and my search for heartfelt connections persisted throughout my time there with limited success. While not unexpected, I observed that individuals of particular races had a tendency to stick together most often than not. It would of course be completely unfair to generalize but from my experience, I regarded most Singaporeans to be courteous, diplomatic, non-confrontational, discreet and hardworking but they have a tendency to keep to themselves and although helpful, I would hesitate to describe them as particularly friendly. You could extend numerous invitations to your home and offer generous hospitality, but reciprocation in kind might not be forthcoming.
I sorely missed the love, warmth and graciousness that we are so used to in India where friends, family, colleagues and neighbours go out of their way to accomodate you and welcome you into their homes. Children who grow up in India witness first-hand the 'Atithi Devo Bhava' philosophy that is so ingrained in our culture. The Sanskrit verse taken from Hindu scriptures recognizes and honours the guest as equivalent to God and expresses hospitality rooted in our ancient literature and values. It still remains a code of conduct in our society. Even the giving of sweets, savouries or gifts as an expression of love and care, the workplace culture of sharing food or even the simple act of not returning someone's food container back to them empty are small cultural gestures that I have always appreciated. Also, being way too familiar with the phrase 'presents in blessings only' printed on invitation cards for large-scale celebrations that our families hosted in India, the concepts of wedding ang bao rates and online gift registry came as a gigantic culture shock to me!
Life in India revolves not just around a select few near and dear ones but it extends to include the community as well. The neighborhoods in India are often close-knit, with people of all ages looking out for each other, offering a helping hand when needed and coming together in revelry for events, celebrations and festivals. Even shopkeepers, vendors and service providers that you interact with regularly in India greet you, enquire about your well being, engage in conversation when they see you and usually come to your aid in times of need.
To me, living in India instills a profound sense of belonging.
11. Affordability:
SG is consistently ranked as one of the most expensive cities in the world and this isn't without reason. Salaries may be comparatively lower and taxes higher in India but the cost of living even in a Tier 1 city like Bengaluru is way lower than SG. Even if you work for less in India, you can live large for less as well.
We are fortunate to live in a nice house in a relatively clean, green and quiet suburb of Bengaluru with easy access to modern amenities. Groceries are reasonably priced, school fees are affordable, children's extracurricular/cultural classes are inexpensive, petrol is comparatively cheaper, healthcare is accessible, getting workers for any job comes at a fraction of the cost compared to anywhere overseas and owning more than one vehicle doesn't feel like a burden.
A few examples I can think of to illustrate this point,
- Our domestic worker in India earns 6-7 times less than our domestic worker in SG despite having more workload (and doing a far better job!)
- My phone bill is about 8-10 times lower in India than it was in SG
- A root canal treatment in SG costs about 8-10 times more compared to getting the same done by an experienced endodontist in a sought after clinic in India (all NRIs will vouch for this)
- My weekly grocery shopping bills are about 3 times lower compared to SG even with more number of people living at home and a lot more cooking that goes on. One tiny example - in SG, I would spend anywhere between $9-12 for approx 150g of sweet Italian basil every single week. In Bengaluru, I get the same quantity or more for an equivalent of 80 cents! Sometimes I even get it for free because I'm pally with the shopkeeper 😂
- My twins go to Bharatanatyam classes at a nearby Arts Academy twice a week for a total of 3 hours. I pay less than S$40 per month for them combined. In SG, any classes my kids were enrolled in, be it enrichment, art or sports cost me anywhere between S$120-300 per month per child
- I applied for my Driver's Licence in Bengaluru a while ago. I took a package with a reputed driving school which included 20 hours of classes with a female instructor of my choice, medical test, driving test plus other formalities resulting in a driver's licence for four-wheeler and a two-wheeler. The total came to an equivalent of S$400 whereas the same thing in SG would have easily set me back at least S$2.5K
12. Convenience
Be it food or groceries - everything is available at one click. In Bengaluru, my favourite savouries and sweets are delivered to my doorstep via Swiggy or Zomato in 20 minutes flat. Whether I’m craving khow suey, panini, pho or freshly baked croissants, it comes to me from a distance of less than 3 km. If I want to eat something light and fresh, all I have to do is send one Whatsapp message and a homemade, wholesome, colorful salad gets delivered to my doorstep. Organic fruits and vegetables are delivered to our home every week with just one phone call (they call us by the way 😆). For household provisions, same day home delivery is offered and we can request for items multiple times a day. For last minute groceries, there is always Blinkit, Instamart, Zepto and Big Basket Now. Speciality grocery items are available online and sometimes even in retail stores. I honestly don’t feel like I am missing much (except for maybe a larger variety of fresh berries). Home caterers and bakers reside in every locality so getting home cooked food for events and gatherings isn't a problem. And to make life easier, readymade food products from dosa/idli batters, malabar paratha, akki rotti to upma are readily available.
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| I don't need to make my own salads anymore! |
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| Bengaluru vegetarian scene (Chinita Mexican, Lucky Chan, Auntie Fung's, Yauatcha) |
If anything in our house needs attention, we have a reliable carpenter, plumber and electrician who will show up at our doorstep without the need for a prior appointment. If I need my shoes, bags, suitcase or clothes repaired, getting it done is a cinch. Facilities for dry cleaning, darning, or dyeing clothes are present in every neighborhood and you have more than a few options. Tailoring existing clothes for better fit or getting them custom made is a walking distance away from my home. I don't have to iron another piece of clothing for as long as I live because I can get someone to do it for me.
Domestic workers are relatively easy to find although I will admit that they are not always reliable. That said, we have been incredibly fortunate in that area so far (touchwood!). Having had a live-in domestic worker in SG for six years, I could say that life was pretty convenient but here's the thing - we didn't need or like someone living with us ALL the time. It was an irksome invasion of privacy that we were forced to bear with because there was no other choice in the matter. Despite her round-the-clock presence, my husband and I still did all of the cooking among so many other house chores because we either liked doing it or were so used to doing it ourselves. On the contrary, our domestic worker in India is employed on a part-time basis so she arrives in the morning, completes her work discreetly in 2-3 hours and leaves for the day. There is also a lot of flexibility in the work timings and she is always available for ad hoc work.
If you need a driver, cook, gardener, nanny or private tutor finding one isn’t difficult. If you need someone to make a house call to deep clean your home, wash your car, provide a foot massage, a specific hair or skin treatment, drape a sari, to collect samples for medical tests or repair absolutely anything it can be arranged with a click or quick phone call. To commute within the city if you don't want to drive, there is Uber, Ola, Namma Yatri or even the Bengaluru Metro that can get you to your destination (I'm not saying the journey will be easy or pleasant 😆). In case you want a bike taxi there is Rapido. If you want your vehicle serviced, a guy will come to your residence, pick it up, do whatever needs to be done and drop it back. If you need to transport anything within the city, Dunzo or Porter will do it for you. The best part is that no service will generate a bill that will make your eyes water.
UPI (Unified Payments Interface), a banking system for money transfers on payment apps has been a triumph in India. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE uses it. I have to remind myself to carry my purse or wallet before I leave the house and even if I do forget, it isn't a big deal. We pay almost all our bills on our phone and it has been a total game changer. I have never found payments this easy in any other part of the world.
I know I said earlier that living abroad pushes you towards self-reliance because labor either isn't easy to come by or too expensive. I stand by that statement a hundred percent but considering we have 'been there, done that', at this stage of our life when we have moved past our prime, convenience is something we embrace with open arms 😄
The convenience in India is simply unparalleled.
13. Shopping
I have always loved shopping for wardrobe essentials in India, so much so that it had become a habit to do an entire year's worth of shopping when I'd visit India during the holidays. You get items that cater to all kinds of tastes and budgets. In India, I actually get clothes in my size and which suit my body type whereas shopping in SG generally made me feel like a wooly mammoth 😂 Plus, I largely found the clothes to be boring and lackluster.
In India, I love the vibrant colors, prints, designs, cut, fabrics and regional variations of styles. There are innumerable homegrown sustainable brands supporting local talented artisans to keep their trade and traditions alive. Unless, I score an unprecedented bargain, there is nowhere else in the world that I’d rather buy my clothes, shoes, bags and accessories from.
When we were renovating our house, I was pleasantly surprised at the online shopping options for furniture, kitchen items and home decor items in India. There was hardly anything we had to buy from SG because almost everything was available here itself.
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| Decor items ordered online |
That said, it is true that we still do not have access to good-quality toys, stationery, school supplies and kitchen paper towels (what's up with that?) that are readily available in the West. We usually reserve shopping for these items when we travel abroad. And although International grocery items are available to a great extent, I still rely on my husband's business trips to SG and some of my obliging friends and family in the US to procure a select few of my pantry staples. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this will change in the future.
14. Contribution to the country
After residing abroad for the past so many years, I carried a sense of guilt for not proactively contributing to my country. I was aware of the significant opportunities to make positive changes in India but I couldn't do as much as I would have liked to.
Since relocating, we have partaken in many charitable endeavors aligned with our values. Going forward, I am on a mission to support small businesses, women-led businesses, environmentally-sustainable businesses and those whose profits from sales to go to impactful causes. Additionally, we have become tax payers and recently exercised our right to vote in the 2024 general elections, making me feel that this is the start of our participation towards the nation-building process.
Although we still have a LONG way to go, I hold great optimism for India's journey towards developed nation status in the future. I want my country to succeed with all my heart. I hope that I will be able to witness something close to it during my lifetime.
15. Retirement
I've often mulled about this one: once our children fly the nest and we don't have any familial or career obligations, I would love nothing more than to go on as many globe-trotting adventures as we practically can. But when I ask myself where I wanted to live when I'm old and where I want to die, the answer is straightforward and not up for any kind of debate (at this point in time). If my husband manages to get his way, it is quite possible that you will find us living out our golden years on a farm with a couple of dogs in a quiet coastal town in the Dakshina Kannada district of Karnataka 😄
It is a known fact that India's rapid digital transformation, a rising middle class, improving infrastructure, comfortable lifestyle, cultural familiarity, stable financial system, affordable healthcare and growing economic heft coalesce to lure retiring expats, who left a very different India in their youth. It is no different for us.
It made sense for us to move now when our children are young and adaptable. If they happened to be older, chances are they would insist on completing their graduation in SG or elsewhere thereby tossing us into a state of limbo. Not to mention, all those years of continued distance from our parents at a stage when they would be at their most vulnerable health-wise. For us, it was a 'now or never' situation.
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| Christmas carnival in Bengaluru December 2023 |
We have taken this step while both of us are still in our 40s in the hope that we can acclimatize well, create a stable loving home environment for our children, grow our roots and create a strong foundation for our retirement. Not to mention, if one is considering a possibility of an early retirement, India is a feasible bet.
I can't predict what our children will do in the future - whether they will choose to study in India or explore options abroad. As a couple, we don't believe in meddling with our children's choice of career or lifestyle so their future decisions will be theirs alone. The world is their oyster and they will be encouraged to carve out their own path in life. No matter what they decide, we will wholeheartedly support them knowing that we earnestly gave them the opportunity to get to know and love our motherland India.
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Now that I've listed down my reasons, I have a few more thoughts I'd like to share.
I am an intrinsically optimistic person with a positive attitude towards life but if you were thinking that I am choosing to look only at the bright side then I would have to disagree. There definitely are certain aspects that I don't like about living in India
- Aside from the obvious that I mentioned in the beginning of this post, I don't like the long working hours that is the norm in this country. The work-life balance was better abroad and that is something that I fervently wish could improve here
- The real possibility of a looming water crisis in Bengaluru genuinely worries me
- I find it frustrating that all it takes is one heavy rain or a strong gust of wind for a power cut
- I avoid going to banks or post-offices here as much as possible because of the tardy service, perpetual tech issues and archaic way of functioning
- Even if one gets used to the pests, getting used to mosquitoes is very difficult
- The scarcity of parks, waterparks and libraries is disheartening to the girls especially
- The footpaths/sidewalks in most places are somewhat of a joke
- I do worry about road safety because of the poor infrastructure and general disregard for traffic rules.
- It also irks me that no one values punctuality, you have to follow-up a lot to get certain tasks done and that most folks seem oddly entitled to others time, business and privacy
- Then there is the inherent patriarchy and "log kya kahenge/jana yen helthare?" (what will people say?) Indian mentality that may have toned down a few notches but is still very much prevalent in our society. However, dealing with this one is not much of an issue for me. I am delighted to report that with age, my people pleasing tendencies have all but disappeared 😂 I am at a point in my life where I know who I am, I say exactly what I mean, I keep the company of people I genuinely like and I live my life authentically and unapologetically, the way I wish to.
It is widely believed that the first year post-relocation is the hardest. More than a year has gone by since our move and nothing about it has struck me as particularly hard. Busy? Yes definitely. Challenging at times? Sure. But hard? Not really. Going by that alone, I see no reason not to be upbeat about the future 😊
It strikes me as peculiar when I encounter NRIs seeking advice from family, friends, or even random strangers on the internet whether they should return to India after spending years abroad. If I could address a question like this directly then I'd say that this is a decision that no one else can or should make for you. It hinges on your priorities, expectations, background, personality, and most importantly, mindset. In my view, one should contemplate moving back for the right reasons, and the decision definitely becomes easier when all family members are on board. If the decision is driven by external pressures or involves pushing a reluctant spouse or child to relocate, it may result in resentment and even unhappiness down the line, so it is crucial to be mindful of this possibility. A major life decision like this also takes enormous planning and preparation. This is pivotal to ease the transition for everyone involved so do not underestimate the process.
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| There are green open spaces in Bengaluru if you know where to look :) |
Life is not perfect in any country folks. Perfection and idealism are nothing but perceptions that depend on one's social, moral, cultural and personal standards as well as world-view. And these perceptions simply cannot be applied to life, given the complex multifaceted nature of it. In my humble opinion, as long as one can find joy in most things, take care of their physical and mental health, cultivate meaningful relationships, sincerely practice gratitude and cope with life's bumpy bits, one can be happy anywhere.
So there you have it folks. I have bared my feelings in this post, aiming to address all questions relating to our relocation. I'm pretty sure there will be folks out there who still won't get it but that is fine by me. I hope this post comes in handy to anyone who has been looking for a balanced perspective on this matter. If my opinions have offended anyone, please understand that it wasn't my intention. I have candidly expressed what I felt following years of personal observation and I believe that I am entitled to my views (my blog and all you see 😛). That said, the content in this post reflects my current outlook and I acknowledge that it may evolve in the next five or ten years—or it might remain unchanged. Only time will tell! What remains certain is the awareness that my happiness is entirely in my control and I am determined to make the best of whatever life throws my way.
In closing, I would like to offer a tiny piece of advice - if your friends, family or co-workers share the news of relocating to another country, whether it is back home or elsewhere in the world, please do not question, dissuade, or project your own insecurities or misgivings onto them. Every individual and family situation is unique. Simply offer your heartfelt well-wishes along with any assistance that you can provide and sincerely hope that they find happiness in their new life. The reason I say this is based on my own experience 😄
Stay happy, healthy and blessed 💜
"True contentment is not having everything, but in being satisfied with everything you have."
- Oscar Wilde
Have you returned to India from abroad or are planning to? What are your thoughts on this matter? Let me know in the comments.
Cheers,
Megha
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